Fire 'em Now, Save Three Years

Sucks to be right.

The fights started between Husker fans well before the season did, and I was on the correct side of them. In this case, I really do hate to say, "I told ya so." The fights have only intensified as the losses have mounted. You do know the fights, right?

• Fire Bo vs. Bo needs more time
• Riley is the next Tom Osborne vs. Riley is the next Frank Solich
• Run the Ball vs. We Can't Run the Ball
• Burn the whole things down vs. Let's just all take a deep breath

Let's put that first point to bed right now. No matter how bad this team is (and they're horrible), Pelini had to be fired.

I'll put it to you this way: Would you give somebody relationship advice by telling them to go back to an ex who cheated on them repeatedly because that wasn't as bad as the new one who hits them? Or should they probably aspire to something greater and not be with either of those people?

So let's address Mike Riley and staff.

My reaction to the Mike Riley hire was about the same as every other Husker fan's:

As the facts on Riley and the coaches he brought with him--almost completely intact from his Oregon State crew--trickled in, my suspicions were in place.

I began telling anyone who asked that Riley's ceiling was as a "caretaker hire." A guy to say the right things, heal the players' and fans' wounded psyches, recruit a few good classes...then retire quietly into the good night when Nebraska finally had a signature on the dotted line from a big name.

It was a crossroads of opportunity for an Athletic Director who needed a coach who would never call him a "cunt" and a nice-guy coach who needed to leave his job before he was shown the door. At best, Riley might turn Nebraska's bigger spotlight and budget into the recruiting boom Corvallis could never offer. At worst, at least if Riley didn't win, he wouldn't lose while cussing out everyone in sight and giving his players Stockholm Syndrome.

If it worked, it would be genius. Eichorst would risk everything by hiring the wrong guy to set up the right guy like Maverick bringing the bogey in closer to pull the old "hit the brakes, he'll fly right by" maneuver.

Mike and crew won the offseason in a blowout. They said and did all the right things, saved a few key recruits, marketed the program on Twitter, made inroads with blue chip high school prospects. A promising QB committed, Keyshawn Johnson has been visible in Lincoln early and often. Former players were welcomed back like royalty.

Like the poster on Fox Mulder's wall, you wanted to believe.

It was all as warm and reassuring as a Mike Riley smile. Except that it wasn't, if you knew where to look.

A lifelong Bears fan, I had just learned a harsh lesson about how well a Grey-Cup-winning, say-all-the-right-things, savvy-pro-style-offensive-mind translates into the head coaching position nobody seemed to want to give him. Marc Trestman seems like a super nice guy and a great caller of pass plays. He was a disaster as a head coach. After a brief flash of promise, the Bears nose-dived into one of the worst teams in the NFL. They chucked the ball all over the field, treating rushing like an afterthought, and put increased pressure on an already-suspect defense. The flash of promise disappeared, the losses mounted, and Trestman was fired, as was the GM who hired him.

Soon after, here came Riley with his kind words, Grey Cup, and absolutely no achievements of substance or promotions to big jobs in college football. I had seen this movie before.

Now, here we are. It's November, and Nebraska just gave up 55 to Purdue. I say again, Nebraska just gave up 55 to Purdue. The words "rock bottom" have appeared in every article I've read about the team over the last two days.

^ Get it? It's the Rock Bottom.

Eichorst's bold plan is looking less like a slick move that positions him for missile lock and more like this:

You'd tell me I'm wrong...but I'm not. Tell me that this isn't the PERFECT background music for how you feel when you realize NU is going to lose its last two games and miss out on a bowl. You look at that box score and something inside you goes, "GOOOOOOOOOSE!!! Awwww no......aw no...."

I've seen enough by now to tell you this: Mike Riley and this staff will never turn Nebraska into an elite program.

You might as well fire them now and save yourself another three years of arguing over it.

Don't start. I hear you thinking it, and shut...the hell...up. "If we fire a coach after one year then nobody will ever..."

Shut up. Nobody wants the job now.



Nobody wanted the job last year. That's how we wound up with a nobody hire.

Whatever Nebraska football was in the 70s, 80s, 90s, that's dead now and the really good coaches don't want the Nebraska job. How do I know? The best NU could do with a coaching vacancy was Mike Riley. If you believe for one minute he was their first choice for head coach and nobody else turned them down, I wanna sell you some oceanfront property just outside of Lincoln.

Nebraska has made 3 coaching hires in 11 years and Pelini was the only one that made a scrap of sense at the time.

Michigan got Harbaugh, Texas got Charlie Strong. Pat Narduzzi, defensive mastermind behind Michigan State's elite defenses of late, went to Pitt. Fucking PITT. Okay, so maybe you didn't want to hire the defensive coordinator with the Italian last name so soon. But hell, even Wisconsin got Paul Chryst. I don't think a ton of Chryst, but at least he appeared on short lists for big jobs. Strong is a disaster at Texas, but while he was pulling upsets at Vandy, everyone was calling him. At least the 'Horns can look back and say, "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

Know whose name was on zero lists of coveted coaches? Give yourself a piece of leftover Halloween candy if you said "Mike Riley." No hire is a sure thing, but the fact that Nebraska settled for a 61-year-old you've never heard of tells you everything you need to know about how prestigious the Huskers are outside their own fanbase. This hire seemed like a confusing idea from the start.

And that's where Nebraska is in 2015. So don't tell me nobody will want us if we do this. Nobody does want us. Nobody has wanted us.

This staff will never be good for the same reason that Michigan is already good again: Soft football. Michigan was a soft team loaded with talent in 2014. The Wolverines did away with soft football the minute Harbaugh stepped on campus. At Michigan from here on out, you'll fight for your job and fight dirty, or you'll ride pine, and then you'l leave. If you come to Ann Arbor in 2015 and beyond, you can expect to leave bruised and battered whether or not you leave a winner. Just like that, they're a competitive football team again.

If you come to Lincoln, you can expect a team that starts its worst runner at running back and throws 45+ times a game because gosh, it sure has been "tough sledding" trying to run the ball. A team that considers 3rd & 3 a passing situation. An offensive coordinator who (we must assume) will spontaneously combust if he calls three run plays in a row.

That's losing football. It's not a sin to pass, but no coach has ever won it all that answered "both" when asked if it couldn't run or wouldn't run. Power football is about a 70/30 above the neck/below the neck proposition. Name for me the National Champion, recent or otherwise, that couldn't or wouldn't run the ball. I'll wait.

A throwing team that can't run peaks at mediocre. A running team that can't throw peaks at #1. Ask Scott Frost and Tim Tebow, two barely-serviceable passers with two things in common: The will to drop a shoulder into linebackers for tough yards until somebody's will broke, and championship rings.

In 2015, Nebraska's coaches say running is just too tough. So they have to throw first and run just a little, when it looks easy. That never works. With an NFL QB in Manion throwing to NFL WRs in Cooks and Wheaton in Langsdorf's offense, Oregon State was still pretty bad. So bad that hometown nice guy Mike Riley was wearing out his welcome at a doormat school. Even when June Jones's Run & Shoot was clicking in Hawaii and Colt Brennan was shattering passing records, that team was pretty bad. Passing teams don't win college football titles.

Neither do these coaches. Riley is 62. His coordinators are not young men, either. If they were world beaters, you'd have heard about it by now. This isn't the chance they never got, it's the chance they never earned.

So fire them now and start again. Skip the part where you give them more time. Skip the part where a scapegoat coordinator or position coach gets replaced. Skip Patrick O'Brien throwing for 400 yards in 45-52 losses. Skip three more years of soft football. Burn the whole thing down.

Who do you hire next? I don't know. You can't know who the next great coach will be, you can only know who it isn't. It isn't Riley. It wasn't Pelini, either.

The 90s are dead and gone, and so is this staff. We just haven't told them yet. We'll be having this same conversation in 2017, about whether this team can't run or won't, which of those begets the other, and how much time is enough time for a coach. We shouldn't...but we will. Then Riley will be forced out and we'll start the process again.

Have a nice three years.

Put...Those Expectations...DOWN!

It's a shiny, new season for Nebraska Football. Hope springs (or perhaps falls...get it? It's a season pun...) eternal this time of year. The air turns cool and we can't wait for the sounds of marching bands and the smell of hot dogs. We buy a new scarlet shirt to replace the one that is turning pink from too many trips through the wash, and let our expectations soar.

I'm here on a mission of mercy. I have a message for you:

PUT THOSE EXPECTATIONS DOWN. Expectations are for contenders only.

You think I'm fucking with you? I am not fucking with you.

It's not even September yet and here's what we know: Two would-be defensive starters are lost to season-ending injuries in Charles Jackson and Michael Rose, and a third is suspended for the year in Leroy Alexander. Why was Alexander suspended for a whole year? Nobody will say for sure, but in cases like these the reason very often has less to do with how the player did on his class tests and more to do with how he did on his urine tests.

Add to that the mysterious mid-camp quit of Aaron Curry, a DT would would likely have seen significant playing time. He's looking to transfer after having been practicing with the first and second string. Let us also not forget the absence of DL manchild Avery Moss, who is presently...and I'm not making this up...banned from UNL's campus due to a penchant for taking his dong out in front of unsuspecting female students.

WANNA SEE MY SCHOOL SPIRIT?!?!

By one estimate, that puts Dear Ol' Nebraska U at 77 available scholarship players. Some of you will know that teams are allowed 85 scholarship players. If the NCAA were to penalize a school 5-10 scholarships, that would be considered a pretty harsh penalty. The expectation level for that team would drop dramatically. So mix that with the way this team has limped around like something out of The Walking Dead in late October and November in recent years, and ask yourself if it sounds fun to start trying to ask guys to switch positions in game 10 again.

Oh, do I have your attention now?

You can keep your scarlet-colored glasses on until at least the first game. Every article and interview out of Lincoln until then will be all cotton candy and puppy dogs. Every player will be a "beast" or a "stud" or a "studbeast" according to some teammate. Everyone will be "doing some good things" despite "swimming in it" according to Pelini, and we'll be awash in tales of how hard everyone worked all summer. Not only that, but tales of how close the players are to each other. Like, for real you guys, you don't even know how much these guys love each other.

It will all count for nothing when Miami comes to town. This team, and especially this defense, desperately needed athletic veterans to right the ship from the wandering left turn of the last two seasons. Instead they're headed overboard like proverbial rats.

Much though we'd love to take a "next man up" mentality about that news, the reality is that Pelini's system has not been kind to young players. It's the sort of defense where young players who step in and flourish are the exception, not the rule. You either get it or you don't...and most underclassmen don't. This season, they'll likely be asked to on all three levels of the defense.

Now for the good news: Tommy Armstrong has a nagging injury and prior to that has been playing at a level that had him barely ahead of walk-on Ryker Fyfe. Former Elite-11 prospect Johnny Stanton has been little-mentioned. Stop me if you've heard this one: Bo Pelini walks into a Big 10 road game with a clusterfuck of mediocre quarterbacks...

Consider this: It was 2008 the last time Nebraska had a quarterback who didn't make you think, "Ok, let's see what this backup can do." I could do without knowing that after a couple of bad picks out of Armstrong, Nebraska fans will be in the stands like:

RYKEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!!!

If you expect anything more than a battle between Nebraska and Wisconsin for who gets to be the reason sports pundits say Ohio State and Michigan State should have been allowed to play for the Big 10 championship...you need to slow your roll.

All signs point to another painful year of watching Nebraska show flashes of promise only to get its teeth kicked in against ranked opponents. The offseason has played out according to Bo's script. Lose a handful of kids who would have seen playing time, act like there's nothing to see here, say, "we'll be just fine," and keep it moving. The best this team can do is play for second place in the conference.

Second place is a set of steak knives.

After the way things looked at the end of last regular season, I have my suspicions as to how Shawn Eichorst will feel about third place.

Stranger Than Fiction

The truth is stranger than fiction.

If I told you 15 years ago that Nebraska would lose to Minnesota, you'd have spit out your drink. Yesterday it happened. The weird part was, nobody was surprised. Hell, nobody is even mad any more. Well, except probably Tommy Armstrong Jr and Ron Kellogg III.

Maybe Kenny Bell. But, ever his coach's player, he's aiming his ire at the fans rather than his loafing teammates. Oh yes, good ol' @AFRO_THUNDER80 produced plenty of passive-aggressive tweets for Husker fans yesterday. Rest assured, any grown man who takes to Twitter to rip a player is a douchebag of the highest order. But Bell shouldn't be reading his mentions, and he certainly shouldn't be responding. But he did and he is, and in so doing he has become the hockey mom Taylor Martinez never had.

Mean tweets make me *sad*

Speaking of Taylor Martinez, what the hell does that kid's dad know about Pelini in order to force him to continue starting Taylor? Taylor went full Taylor yesterday in the presser, and demonstrated why he was gag ordered after the UCLA meltdown...he tells the truth. The T-Magic is gone from the field, but he still does some special things with a microphone in front of him.

You know that "turf toe" we heard so much about? Yeah, it was never turf toe at all. Taylor cleared that right up for us, and tacked on the gem that it was a Wyoming game injury. A.K.A. knowing what we know now, he never should have taken the field against UCLA. Asked if the toes were fractured, Martinez replied, "I'm not gonna say." That means yes. When somebody asks if your toes are broken, and you don't have broken toes, you say no.

LOL, here's all the stuff I wasn't supposed to tell you

I've said since Martinez's redshirt freshman year that the cart of Bo Pelini's career will go as far as Taylor Martinez can pull it. On Saturday, Bo hitched the kid up again and Martinez pulled up lame. Why in the blue fuck did Pelini trot out a running quarterback with two broken toes? Add this one to the list of injuries Martinez has "played" through. The high ankle sprain that had as many incarnations as the Rocky films, now this. Martinez plays, God love him, but he's horrible when he's injured. If he can't run, he is largely useless. Just another round of busted Taylor Martinez chucking 30 attempts out of the shotgun. 

Only three things explain why you start a kid that banged up: Either it's blackmail, Bo is so pathologically stubborn that starts the kid to prove he alone is in charge of personnel decisions, or his trust issues are so deep-seated that he'll stay in an abusive relationship with his starter before he'll give the backup a chance to break his heart anew. We'd believe all of them at this point, wouldn't we? The truth has been stranger than fiction with Pelini all along.

It was the Bo Pelini era in microcosm yesterday: Start an injured Taylor Martinez, bumble on offense, get pushed around on defense, lose to a mediocre-to-bad team, have an awkward post-game, then blame the fans for being ungrateful. It sounds so familiar that fans and columnists could only lament how familiar it sounds. We're not even angry any more. For three and a half quarters, the players obviously weren't, either. They looked resigned to it, too. 

You hear it over and over, "Oh, Pelini's players love him. He's a players' coach. They would run through a brick wall for him!" No they wouldn't. His own defense won't run through a Golden Gophers offensive guard. Watch the 1984 UCLA - Nebraska game. The first thing that will jump out at you is the hitting. It's miles from the way this team plays today. When those Blackshirt linebackers took on a lead blocker, they made sure it wasn't just a run fit, it was a test of his very manhood. In 2013, the defenders are trying to jog around blocks. These kids, demonstrably, will not run through even a blocker for their coach. I think the local brick walls can rest easy.

Pelini's team is a mirror image of him: Too slow to react, clueless how to adapt in the face of failure, and too ready to adopt an external locus of control when things get sour. Plenty of noise with a mic in their face or a phone in hand, but no real, calm leaders when things get tough. They play the way Pelini recruited for the first 3-4 years, the way he makes tweaks to his defensive system; it's like the Adam Sandler song (NSFW) at a medium pace. Saturday, the fans got the shampoo bottle. With Urban Meyer coaching and recruiting at warp speed, NU is already too far behind.


You think you can play in MY title game? Why do you want to be brutalized and humiliated?

Saturday was the beginning of the end for Pelini. As ugly as it has looked, Nebraska was only a one loss team heading to Minneapolis, and it turns out UCLA is pretty good. Win some tougher games in November, get to the championship game, and maybe there's a reason to keep Pelini another year. None of that matters now. You don't lose to Minnesota. And you really don't do it by just being outworked. It's done now, Mark "Bo" Pelini is in his final season as head coach of the Nebraska Cornhuskers.

Don't tell me about how long it took Osborne, don't tell me about kids going to class, and don't tell me how the players think of any of the coaches as a father figure. If that mattered, we'd just let the players' fathers coach the team for a fraction of the salary and they'd still suck (cough cough BARNEY COTTON cough cough).

Am I being too rough on the guy? Ask any member of the media that covers NU football. Ask around about whether Bo has called those guys and sworn them out over the phone if they have ever dared to paint him in an unflattering light. This isn't one incident, it's not just Chatelain, it's pretty much all of them. I'm sure he'd give me a ring if only anyone knew or cared who I am. He freaks out on sports writers and talk show hosts like Commodus learning his sister plotted against him.


Tell me what you've been doing, busy little bee...


Ask about rumors that swirled of Pelini and friends cornering a message board poster with ties to the program in a hotel basement for leaking inside information about the team. The morning of a game. Not just any game, a BIG game. Ask why Carl and Marvin really had to leave. The answers are as believable as a soap opera plot and yet...the truth is stranger than fiction.

Pelini has acted just like his players looked yesterday. Dancing around the real obstacles, and expecting somebody else to shoulder the responsibility for why it's not working out. The players didn't execute. The fans are not being supportive enough. The media is dogging Martinez. Zac Lee got that second opinion about his throwing arm. Lincoln doesn't have a major airport. It's all water under the bridge now.

As of this moment, people who know say he's already fired, he just doesn't know it yet. Sound like too secretive and diabolical a process to believe? Well, I tried to tell you. When it comes to the Bo Pelini regime, the truth is stranger than fiction.

Tragedy Strikes A&M as Manziel Literally Drowns in Pussy

--College Station, TX--

The Texas A&M campus and sporting world were in shock early Sunday morning as news quickly spread that teammates had found the body of Aggies' star quarterback Johnny Manziel in his room. 

A source with the medical examiner's office confirmed early reports that it appeared Manziel had stopped breathing after being suffocated under a pile of coeds from A&M and surrounding schools. While no official autopsy has been performed, the examiner's office released a statement saying, "There are clear signs of trauma to the face, neck, and airway consistent with being crushed under the nubile thighs, breasts, and/or genitalia of females aged 18-22. In other words, the victim literally drowned in pussy."

Those close to Manziel, while saddened, seemed unsurprised. 

"After the Heisman campaign really got rolling last year, I worried about something like this happening." said a somber Aggies head coach Kevin Sumlin. "At first I was like, 'Oh, he's so ugly, the girls will leave him alone. He looks like one of those punk Russian kids you see in YouTube videos of street fights,' but then the fame...it changed all that. They would be after him in packs, like wild dogs."

Teammates told reporters Sunday the constant barrage of young women had taken a physical toll on Manziel before. Said former teammate and favorite target Ryan Swope, "I'll never forget him showing up to practice after the Alabama game and he just couldn't run. He had dead legs. I asked him what was up and he goes, 'It's the girls, Swope. They wore my legs out.'" 

"I told him, 'J-Football, man, you gotta make them be on top, or they'll ruin you.' But I never thought something like this would happen." Swope then broke down crying and repeated, "It's my fault, it's my fault, never shoulda told him to let them cowgirl it."

Ole Miss head coach Hugh Freeze, reached for comment, tried not to sound excited. "Manziel died? Seriously?" asked Freeze, his voice a little too upbeat for the moment, "so he's definitely not gonna play then? I mean...that's terrible. Our, um, thoughts and prayers are with the family." The Rebels play A&M this coming Saturday.

Las Vegas sports books have removed the Ole Miss vs A&M game for the time being, citing uncertainty about whether the game will be played at all, or how to lay the points if a backup plays for the Aggies. Prop bets on Manziel meeting his end in precisely this manner, however, paid out 8:1.

Nobody was taking the news harder than offensive lineman Jake Matthews, who stated he was present at the time of death and could have rescued Manziel.

"We were having a party, and I was out on the couch, I could hear him in there," Matthews sobbed, "it was hard to hear him over the girls, but he was yelling, 'Matthews, help! I'm drowning in pussy in here!' but I was like, 'Aw, Johnny, I'm not falling for that again." 

Matthews was then overcome with emotion, before saying, "Colt McCoy would have saved him," in an apparent misremembering of the time former Texas Longhorns quarterback Colt McCoy swam across a lake to call an ambulance for a man having a heart attack on land.

Maziel's family could not immediately be reached for comment. As of press time, a fund to provide snorkels to young, famous men was already being set up in Manziel's honor.

Coach for Your Job: One Way or Another, A New Era

Let me open by saying that I would love to see Bo Pelini succeed. I want him to get it right both on and off the field. I would love to see the guy maximize his potential as a football coach and a human being. If I were a betting man, I'd bet Pelini gets fired in December before accomplishing either. If he does two things, he might have a shot.

It sounds like he may do the first, and that's to "scrap the gap." If we heard any positives out of the defeated post game commentary from defensive coaches, it may be the sense that even they admit they can't keep running a two-gap, two-high scheme.

Let us not argue over whether the system works. We've seen it have wild success and epic failures. There can be no doubt, however, that the 2012 and 2013 Blackshirts (and I use the term loosely) are not capable of making the system work for them. The offensive production surrendered has sent Husker fans and coaches through all the stages of grieving. Much as Charlie McBride did in the early 90s, Pelini may have arrived at an acceptance that the system he has embraced until now is no longer adequate.

You heard Pelini mention playing "gapped out" defense in his post-game presser. That's a one-gap defense he's talking about. That's saying to the young talent, "See that space between those two guys? Run through it and tackle the guy with the ball." Oversimplification on my part? Of course. But the change is a step in a necessary direction.

The time has come for the defense to admit it lacks the talent to make open receivers the thing it takes away from opposing offenses. These are no longer the timing-sensitive spread teams of the Big XII. If NU defensive backs can cover for five seconds (they can't), Big Ten QBs will scramble for six and seven seconds and hit an open man. All the while, a pass rush will either not be called for or will not be reaching the quarterback. Nobody can cover for that long.

Forget success, this defense's only hope of survival is to stop the run and pressure the quarterback. Everyone with a semi-educated opinion has pointed out that Husker defensive backs can't cover as long as they're being asked to do. Everyone else with eyeballs can see the Blackshirts can't stop the run or (Randy Gregory, you may be excused for this part) pressure the quarterback. It's time to do something well.

The second thing Pelini must do to save his job is to let Tommy Armstrong play. As Dirk Chatelain pointed out on Game Time with Nick Bahe yesterday, Taylor Martinez is in year five. We have seen the ceiling with him. This is the Taylor Martinez you are getting.

It's nothing against Taylor. I've come around a long way with my opinion on him because he's obviously worked hard and improved greatly. I want him to succeed, too. That said, think back to when he was a redshirt freshman. Could he throw like Armstrong can? If you didn't say, "Hell no," then you're misremembering.

Martinez, when healthy, brings speed to the table. Speed kills. So much so that Tim Beck included it in his twitter handle. But Taylor Martinez brings only speed to his running game. Martinez is not to be confused with a fluid runner. In a straight line sprint, he belongs with Crouch, Green, Rogers. In terms of vision and instinct running the ball, Martinez doesn't belong. He's not a "make you miss" guy. He's not a tackle breaker, either. Add pocket presence into that. When Martinez starts to improvise, strange things happen.

Armstrong, by contrast, has looked smooth out there in limited action. So smooth you forget he's a redshirt freshman. So smooth you relax a little knowing he's in the game. So smooth, I'm gonna call him "T-Smooth." Feel free to make that a thing.

The numbers don't lie. Obligatory "I love Ron Kellogg, we all love Ron Kellogg, he was great, too, he deserved it" statement aside, that offense looked better out there with Armstrong at quarterback than it ever has with Martinez. It was efficient, they were scoring every time. The deep passing game was in play.

Taylor has had great moments and great stats, but admit it...you're always pleasantly surprised when he makes a big play instead of a turnover. The hallmark of the Martinez-led Huskers has been fits and starts. They might score a TD, or he might wing it over Jamal Turner's head on a beautifully designed screen pass. They're good for at least a few three-and-out possessions per game. He might lead a dramatic fourth quarter comeback at Northwestern, but only after nearly throwing the game-ending pick...twice.

Armstrong went out there and dropped the deep ball in on a dime. He ran well. Most impressive to me, he took an option keeper or two and just turned it up for a 3 yard gain because that's all that was there. He looked poised, confident, dangerous...not to his own team, to the defense. He didn't force things. Sure, he didn't see a wide open Cethan Carter streaking to the end zone...but he threw a gorgeous out cut to another open receiver for the touchdown. You can forgive that kind of "mistake."

Armstrong played well enough to merit more playing time. He played well enough for Pelini to announce that they will hold Martinez out from practice until his turf toe is "100%." Well enough for Pelini to say that Martinez might not play against Illinois, even after a bye week. That's a far cry from one-legged Taylor handing off to Rex over and over in the Iowa game. Armstrong played well enough to get a few series in there even when Martinez is ready to go again. Armstrong played well enough to be Pelini's saving grace. Sure, it was an FCS defense and a middling one at that. But here's the thing:

If you play Armstrong at QB, suddenly it feels like you're playing for the future. You're making coaching adjustments. Sugar, you're going down swinging. Young defense, young quarterback, the promise of next year returns. Fans love next year, just ask the Chicago Cubs. And we haven't seen how high that smooth ceiling goes. We're only scratching the...wait for it...smooth surface with this kid.

If you go back to Martinez, especially if he's still hurt, the feel is all, "It's year six and this is the best you can do?" He might lead them on a tear through the Big Ten schedule. Or he might lead them on another meltdown or four. You'd believe either outcome, wouldn't you? Bo Pelini teams have been wild and streaky. Martinez has fit perfectly into that profile. They could use a little smooth to their game.

The Tommy Armstrong era and the era of a new defensive system will begin soon regardless of what this season holds. If they don't begin now, they will come along with the (INSERT NEW HEAD COACH HERE) era. I hope they don't have to.

We Knew He Was a Profanity-Laced Tirade When We Picked Him Up

Ah, what a Monday. Just when you thought the story was going to be Bo Pelini channeling his inner Cory McKeon and wanting football just be *fun* again, some choice audio hits Deadspin.

The only surprise here is that anyone is surprised. Just stop with your feigned shock.

We knew what he was when we picked him up--a defensive coordinator with a reputation for turning colors, screaming at players, and getting 15-yarders called on himself for f-bombing refs. Today is the day we farmers were reminded we're holding a viper. You know that story, right?




You're surprised today when we come to find out he f-bombed a bunch of people, the fans included? Will you be surprised tomorrow when the wheels on your car turn? What about when your dog sniffs somebody's crotch? Don't be. It is in the nature of those things.




The only surprise is that Pelini didn't deploy that cluster of f-bombs right there in the presser, and then challenge Chatelain and Shatel to fight him and Carl in the alley behind the Brass Rail, sweatshirts optional.

This is the guy who can't manage a full suit for high-profile interviews of Big Ten Media Days. It's pulling teeth to drag khakis and a blazer out of him. You expected impeccable manners? Spare me your indignation.

We all knew what we were getting when we clamored for this guy in 2007. Profanity-laced tirades directed at your own fanbase are not the kind of thing that gets a head coach fired. They erode a massive chunk of your support, but they are not fireable offensive in and of themselves.

If you were, say, a defensive specialist of a head coach whose defense couldn't stop a nosebleed...now that might be another story.

Memo to Broadcasters Covering the Huskers

-by Dan Beavers
Chicago, IL

A memo to television or radio personalities covering Nebraska football for the remainder of 2013:

We need to talk about what you may not call Bo Pelini. Call him Head Coach, Defensive Coordinator (if you think that's J.P.'s defense and not Bo's, I have some Blackshirts to sell you. See, the joke works because Blackshirts are practically worthless these days.), former NFL assistant, etc.

Here's what you may not call him: Defensive Guru, Brilliant Defensive Mind, Defensive Genius, or anything of the like. None of these monikers holds an iota of accuracy in 2013. If you insist of using such terms (and I know you will), please remember to precede them with "former."

We know, we're asking a lot of you. It kills you to mention Pelini without such descriptors. Talk about khakis, spittle, left-handed gestures, anything else. Why, you ask, are you banned from such accolades?

I could cite a variety of recent statistics like 600+ yards, or mind-numbing point totals surrendered. But those are for the nerds, the students of the game, the former players. I'm just a casual fan, a scrawny guy who never played a snap in a real game. I couldn't possibly understand the intricacies. So I use only the first of the simplest of reasons to disqualify Bo Pelini from the ranks of the defensive elite:

The Blackshirts can't tackle.

Discussion over. Look no further.

Save any talk of two-high, two-gap, two linebackers. It's too little, too late. I needn't worry about such lofty X and O concepts. I trust my eyes; they see the simple fact nearly every time an opponent gets a 1-on-1 matchup with an NU defender.

Genius? Please. The Blackshirts can't tackle. Nothing could be more "Defense 101" than that.

Forgive me for going back to that punchline like Chris Rock bashing Marion Berry (NSFW). I know that in year 6 of the Pelini regime, Husker fans aren't laughing.

"What if they turn Randy Gregory loose? Chuck the scheme and let him go out there and ball?" Won't matter. The Blackshirts can't tackle.

"What if guys like Avery Moss and Vincent Valentine had started signing with NU back in 2009?" Wouldn't matter now. The Blackshirts can't tackle.

"What if they blitzed the linebackers more?" Won't result in a sack. The Blackshirts can't tackle.



You know the words to this routine. You've seen it before. It was on a loop in Lincoln in 2006 and 2007. Remember that old feeling of Cosgrovian defenses? Where the best defenders at pursuing and tackling are first year starters? Brace yourselves, here are a few names: Josh Banderas, Randy Gregory, and Nathan Gerry. First year, first year, first year.

What does it say about the way a team practices when the starting QB sports a walking boot in his downtime and still starts?

It screams aloud the word former Huskers of the glory days have been whispering since 2004.

"Soft." As in, the fact that you're in a walking boot and can't go hard doesn't mean you won't go.

Former Huskers have been trying to tell you. The way this team practices is soft. They're not hitting enough on either side of the ball. They're not nasty. The coaches are not letting their best 22 players line up and have at each other. Things are in the way. Things like green jerseys, quick tempos, illegal formations, convoluted game plans. It shows on Saturdays. 64 yards after contact in one drive. 2.2 yards per carry on offense.

If you listen closely to the Bennings, Fraziers, and Peters of the world, they've been hinting at it. They don't think this version of the Blackshirts could have held even Gerry Gdowski's Huskers under 700 yards rushing. They're right. Players today are bigger, stronger, and faster. But in a contest of nastiness, the Huskers of yesteryear would win going away.

The hints have been there in spades, you just have to listen for them. When Martinez discusses his sore shoulder after Wyoming and glibly mentions that the game was the first "real contact" he's taken in months, that's soft.

It's Avery Moss having Brett Hundley dead to rights, and not finishing. It's a full year of Cam Meredith and Jason Ankrah lagging haplessly behind rolling QBs like a bull mastiff pursuing a greyhound. At some point you think to yourself, "Man, these guys look like they haven't practiced sacking a quarterback in years." If it looks like a duck...

It's Martinez's career--one healthy season in four. When Martinez is hurt, he still starts. For reasons that mystify, Bo Pelini would rather, literally, have Martinez on one leg than any of his backups at 100%. If you think the defense gets to hit a wounded QB all week, think again. If you think Martinez's "happy accident" running style smacks of a kid who takes zero hits six days a week, you're right. If it walks like a duck...

It's (insert Husker defensive back here) attacking downhill on a short completion in the flat. Stop me when you recognize the scenario: Ball complete to a wide open WR in the flat, Husker defender comes flying in out of control, takes a horrible angle, doesn't break down, buries his head, and makes a flying leap at thin air. At some point you think to yourself, "Man, these guys look like they're so worried about tempo, alignments, route trees, assignments, checks, levers, spills and screaming coaches that they forgot about pursue, hit, wrap." It if quacks like a duck...

It's any of a thousand plays that would have been a routine stop en route to a three-and-out if the first defender to make contact had tackled the ball carrier. But that doesn't happen. The Blackshirts can't tackle. That's soft.

So you see, dear announcer, please don't insult the Husker fans' collective intelligence. We know a defensive genius when we see one, but we don't see one here. Geniuses nail the little details. In year six, Pelini hasn't nailed square one. The Blackshirts can't tackle. What a lame duck.