Chicago, IL
A memo to television or radio personalities covering Nebraska football for the remainder of 2013:
We need to talk about what you may not call Bo Pelini. Call him Head Coach, Defensive Coordinator (if you think that's J.P.'s defense and not Bo's, I have some Blackshirts to sell you. See, the joke works because Blackshirts are practically worthless these days.), former NFL assistant, etc.
Here's what you may not call him: Defensive Guru, Brilliant Defensive Mind, Defensive Genius, or anything of the like. None of these monikers holds an iota of accuracy in 2013. If you insist of using such terms (and I know you will), please remember to precede them with "former."
We know, we're asking a lot of you. It kills you to mention Pelini without such descriptors. Talk about khakis, spittle, left-handed gestures, anything else. Why, you ask, are you banned from such accolades?
I could cite a variety of recent statistics like 600+ yards, or mind-numbing point totals surrendered. But those are for the nerds, the students of the game, the former players. I'm just a casual fan, a scrawny guy who never played a snap in a real game. I couldn't possibly understand the intricacies. So I use only the first of the simplest of reasons to disqualify Bo Pelini from the ranks of the defensive elite:
The Blackshirts can't tackle.
Discussion over. Look no further.
Save any talk of two-high, two-gap, two linebackers. It's too little, too late. I needn't worry about such lofty X and O concepts. I trust my eyes; they see the simple fact nearly every time an opponent gets a 1-on-1 matchup with an NU defender.
Genius? Please. The Blackshirts can't tackle. Nothing could be more "Defense 101" than that.
Forgive me for going back to that punchline like Chris Rock bashing Marion Berry (NSFW). I know that in year 6 of the Pelini regime, Husker fans aren't laughing.
"What if they turn Randy Gregory loose? Chuck the scheme and let him go out there and ball?" Won't matter. The Blackshirts can't tackle.
"What if guys like Avery Moss and Vincent Valentine had started signing with NU back in 2009?" Wouldn't matter now. The Blackshirts can't tackle.
"What if they blitzed the linebackers more?" Won't result in a sack. The Blackshirts can't tackle.
You know the words to this routine. You've seen it before. It was on a loop in Lincoln in 2006 and 2007. Remember that old feeling of Cosgrovian defenses? Where the best defenders at pursuing and tackling are first year starters? Brace yourselves, here are a few names: Josh Banderas, Randy Gregory, and Nathan Gerry. First year, first year, first year.
What does it say about the way a team practices when the starting QB sports a walking boot in his downtime and still starts?
It screams aloud the word former Huskers of the glory days have been whispering since 2004.
"Soft." As in, the fact that you're in a walking boot and can't go hard doesn't mean you won't go.
Former Huskers have been trying to tell you. The way this team practices is soft. They're not hitting enough on either side of the ball. They're not nasty. The coaches are not letting their best 22 players line up and have at each other. Things are in the way. Things like green jerseys, quick tempos, illegal formations, convoluted game plans. It shows on Saturdays. 64 yards after contact in one drive. 2.2 yards per carry on offense.
If you listen closely to the Bennings, Fraziers, and Peters of the world, they've been hinting at it. They don't think this version of the Blackshirts could have held even Gerry Gdowski's Huskers under 700 yards rushing. They're right. Players today are bigger, stronger, and faster. But in a contest of nastiness, the Huskers of yesteryear would win going away.
The hints have been there in spades, you just have to listen for them. When Martinez discusses his sore shoulder after Wyoming and glibly mentions that the game was the first "real contact" he's taken in months, that's soft.
It's Avery Moss having Brett Hundley dead to rights, and not finishing. It's a full year of Cam Meredith and Jason Ankrah lagging haplessly behind rolling QBs like a bull mastiff pursuing a greyhound. At some point you think to yourself, "Man, these guys look like they haven't practiced sacking a quarterback in years." If it looks like a duck...
It's Martinez's career--one healthy season in four. When Martinez is hurt, he still starts. For reasons that mystify, Bo Pelini would rather, literally, have Martinez on one leg than any of his backups at 100%. If you think the defense gets to hit a wounded QB all week, think again. If you think Martinez's "happy accident" running style smacks of a kid who takes zero hits six days a week, you're right. If it walks like a duck...
It's (insert Husker defensive back here) attacking downhill on a short completion in the flat. Stop me when you recognize the scenario: Ball complete to a wide open WR in the flat, Husker defender comes flying in out of control, takes a horrible angle, doesn't break down, buries his head, and makes a flying leap at thin air. At some point you think to yourself, "Man, these guys look like they're so worried about tempo, alignments, route trees, assignments, checks, levers, spills and screaming coaches that they forgot about pursue, hit, wrap." It if quacks like a duck...
It's any of a thousand plays that would have been a routine stop en route to a three-and-out if the first defender to make contact had tackled the ball carrier. But that doesn't happen. The Blackshirts can't tackle. That's soft.
So you see, dear announcer, please don't insult the Husker fans' collective intelligence. We know a defensive genius when we see one, but we don't see one here. Geniuses nail the little details. In year six, Pelini hasn't nailed square one. The Blackshirts can't tackle. What a lame duck.
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